You Have the Right to Remain Sexy
by whitetyger123
Summary: A story written for serene528moon, who did a fanart for our story All the Things I Hate About You. She asked for policeman, and FrUK, so here it is! RP one shot, written by me and schoolgirl-cheesesculpture. Rated M for yaoi.


Giving a sigh, Arthur looked out the window of the squad car, watching for anyone speeding. At least his shift was almost over. Just then, he saw a car almost pull into the oncoming lane before drifting back. He put on his lights and went after them. Obviously a drunk driver.

Barely paying attention to the light show behind him, Francis continued to drive all over the road. Maybe he was only a _teeny_ bit over the legal drinking limit, but he could still drive. And if he got pulled over by the pissed off looking man in the cop car- _merde_, there was a cop tailing him!

Swearing under his breath again, the Frenchman pulled over to the side and put on a charming smile. Flirting usually got him where he wanted in life, and getting out of a ticket would be no different.

Getting out of his car, Arthur made his way over to the obnoxiously painted sports car he had pulled over. Rapping on the window, he waited for it to roll down before drawling out, "Can you please get out of the car, sir?" If he could even walk.

"Why of course _monsieur_ Kirkland." He leaned forward to read the name before unbuckling with minimal difficulty to step outside. "Now that I am outside, are you going to have your way with my body?" He smirked, winking one eye lazily.

Rolling his eyes, Arthur frowned at him. "Yes, I am in fact. Walk a straight line, sir." He was used to girls trying to get out of tickets with flirting with him, but not grown men. He _was_ drunk, of course, and French. Right there was reason enough.

"Horizontal or vertical? Because if I might say, my skills with one far out pass the other." He continued to grin as his feet took him over to the cute blond. The closer Francis got, the fiercer the urge came to just lean over and kiss those luscious, pale coral lips.

Sighing, Arthur stepped out of the way of the wobbly man. "How much have you had to drink, sir? I am afraid I will have to take you in." Great, just his luck to catch a driver this drunk when all he wanted was to go home.

"How about a small kiss, non? It would be much better for both of us. After all, I only had a glass of wine and a few of champagne. I can still see just how attractive you are." Francis couldn't wipe the grin off his face. He had never bedded a police officer before. A firefighter and a ambulance worker, yes, but not this part of the threesome.

"That's it, get in the back of the car." Arthur ordered, pointing to his. "I am taking you in for harassing a police officer." Even if the man was slightly attractive, he wasn't about to let him off the hook for everything he had done just because of that.

Still taking small, measured steps forward, Francis pouted softly, a grin playing in the corners of his eyes. "But it is not harassment if you wish for it too, mon amour."

Glaring, Arthur took out his handcuffs and forcefully turned the man around over the hood of the squad car. "You have the right to remain silent." He said the rest of his rights to the man while cuffing him, and then pushed him to the door. "Watch your head."

As he was forced into the back of the car, Francis frowned for a moment until Kirkland got in the front. "I would have made you out to enjoy hearing the sweet sounds as I pleasured myself thinking of you. And handcuffs? I always knew the police were the kinky ones."

Resting his head on the steering wheel, Arthur dreaded the half hour drive to the police station. "Will you please shut up? I hate your accent with a passion." And the things he was saying, could he have any decency?

"But it is the accent of l'amour, is it not?" Shifting in the seat, he breathed deeply. "...My hands are now caressing your cheeks as I comment on how smooth your pale skin is; almost like fine china. As you blush, your hands come to rest on my growing-"

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" Arthur exclaimed, glancing in the backseat. He sounded annoyed, but it was mostly to make his imagination stay where it should, and not wander to what this perverted Frenchman was talking about.

The light blush complimented his fair skin quite well in the Parisian's point of view. "Well, I figured I would give you a taste of just what we could be doing if I was not handcuffed and in the back seat. I could continue until penetration if you wish. Your derrière would be divine." The booze made his thoughts a bit fuzzy, but mostly left his body in a warm glow.

Shaking his head, Arthur kept an eye on his 'prisoner' with the rear-view mirror. "I would be quite alright without that, thank you. Bloody frog." He grumbled, wishing the station was dammed closer than where he had picked this man up! "What's your name, anyway? I will need it for my report."

"Or for when you're screaming my name in ecstasy, n'est pas?" He hummed, flicking his head to get his wavy hair out of the way. "I ensure that you will find out in due course, mon lapin."

"No one will be screaming anyone's name. Calm down, or I am telling the guard to give you a cold shower when we get there." He would probably be needing one as well, with how this was going. "And I am not a rabbit."

"So you know French? And here I thought all Englishmen didn't, which is why they are so wooed by it." He smiled, still trying desperately to get into the man's pants and not a cell. "If I were to have a shower, it better be you who's washing me off. Especially where I'm very dirty right now." Francis said, trying to look through the grate for a bulge in the other's sexy pants.

Growling, Arthur tried to push him back into the seat without going off the road. "No I don't speak French, now shut the bloody hell up!" He wished a headache was all he was getting from the sentences, but unfortunately he was getting another problem much more South, as well.

Tutting, Francis' face started to hurt from how wide he was smiling. "I've heard you already, mon amour, but I don't feel like being quiet. After all, your uniform is turning me on so much, if I stayed quiet I wouldn't be able to hold back my moans of need." Judging by how much he snapped at him, he was hoping it would only be a little more until Kirkland snapped. After all, he had taken the longest out of anyone, and he had made firmly straight men bend to his charms.

Stopping at a red light, Arthur took a calming breath before suddenly making a right turn. This was perfectly normal, he told himself. He was just taking a different rout... one that passed a few empty parking lots. Nothing strange about that.

The Parisian leaned back on the seat. "If only my hands were free, then I could stroke myself thinking only of you and your big mouth, wrapped around my length until-"

"Stop it!" Arthur yelled, pulling into a dark parking lot. So what if they made a quick stop along the way to the police station? He got out of the car and wrenched open the back door. "Shut up, you bloody frog!" He started climbing into the cramped back seat, determined to make him deal with the problem he had caused.

Confusion crept onto the intoxicated man's face. "I don't understand what you're doing, mon chou. This is not the police station." Though if the deep blush on the uniformed man's cheeks was any indication, he could bet his handcuffs were going to be taken off any second now so they could make passionate love.

"No, it is a parking lot, where no one will disturb us." Hands going to the fly of the Frenchman, Arthur undid them as fast as he could. Uncuffing him would be a big mistake, so he decided to keep those on. Maybe the man would learn his lesson that way.

Shifting so his hands wouldn't go numb, a perverted smile bloomed on his face. "Ah, I knew you would see this situation as I did. Though, it would be nice to use my hands to explore your supple body."

Laughing, Arthur finally got that stupid Parisian cock from his pants. "No, I don't think that will happen." The door was still open, with his legs sticking out, but he didn't even care. Usually, if people saw a cop car, they stayed away.

Letting out a pleased moan at having his semi-erect cock fondled by such an attractive man, Francis smiled with half lidded eyes. "Are you quite sure? Though, it would be very sexy to see you riding me. A policeman must keep some of his dignity after all."

"And who said you would be topping? I am sure in every cosplay, the cop is always the one doing the penetrating." Arthur bent down, giving the cock a long lick, bringing it to full erection. That should be satisfactory for now.

Francis hummed appreciatively. "It seems like you know more about the world of fetishes than I previously thought." Thought not more than the Frenchman, even when he was pleasantly buzzed.

Growling deep in his throat, Arthur pulled the annoying skinny jeans off the man, releasing his erection. "Maybe I should gag you, as well. I don't want to hear those perverted words throughout this whole thing."

The squeak of Francis' body was deafened by his chuckle. "Ah, I see. Handcuffs _and_ a gag? You really are kinky. It makes sense; always catching the crooks, you'd be bound to be turned on the most by having someone incapacitated below you. All I can say is that I haven't bottomed for a while, so I need proper stretching unless your endowment is lacking."

"Unless I don't care if I hurt you. After all, if you are going to jail, perhaps I should make you used to that kind of treatment." Of course he couldn't, because as soon as he was seen bringing in a bleeding man, he would be sued for police brutality. Again.

"Ah, but there is where you're wrong. As I said, I am more accustom to being the pursuer." The Frenchman breathed out lightly as his cock was fondled more.

Moving his hand faster, the British cop gave a laugh. "So am I. It is my profession, after all." It was probably time for him to be done his shift, but it didn't matter if he was a little late. It's not like they would care, if he brought in a hopelessly drunk driver.

Shifting again, the Parisian groaned as his dazed mind was overloaded with pleasure. "Playing dirty is your specialty, non?" He continued to breathe heavily, feeling himself unconsciously buck lightly into the grasp.

"And talking dirty is yours. So why don't you moan and tell me how much you want me inside you?" Arthur ripped open the Frenchman's shirt, only having one hand, and pushed it back as far as he could.

Francis arched into the touch. Smiling, he pushed up with his bound hands to lean forward. Using his teeth, he pulled off the sexy police hat and moaned deeply, his head leaning back.

Letting his hat fall off, Arthur worked more at the cock in his hands. He didn't have any lube, so this would have to work.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Francis felt the familiar coiling in his abdomen. It was only a few more second before he climaxed over the cop's hand. Letting the hat fall from his teeth, he moaned out as he was milked dry. "Mon amour," He breathed, "it seems you know your way around a cock."

Moving the cum around his hand to his fingers, Arthur put it at the man's behind. "I also know my way around here, as well." He slowly slipped a finger in, thankful for the thick white liquid to make it easier.

Grunting as his ass was penetrated by the English finger, Francis smiled. "Well _monsieur _Kirkland, I'm not sure about you, but I think this act entitles us to a first name basis."

Pushing his finger in more, the Brit figured that was fine. "Arthur." He said simply. He would find out the Parisian's name when he took him in anyway, but he supposed it would be good to know each other's names anyway.

"Francis." He parroted back, bending his arms more so they wouldn't get too sore. "So Arthur, would I be correct to assume you are going to stay clothed? Adds to my theory of you being kinky, but I can't say I disapprove."

"Obviously I have to unclothe one part, but otherwise; yes." He pushed another finger in, working to loosen the muscle up. After all, he wanted the man, Francis, to be able to walk by himself into the station.

Making a pleased sound as he was stretched wide, Francis started to move his hips against the fingers. "It has been so long since I've been bottom to someone. I see why they writhe underneath me when I fuck them hard. It's such an addicting feeling to give up control every once in a while." That and the sexy man who was about to screw him didn't stop his erection from starting to harden again.

Trying to keep his temper down, Arthur spread his fingers apart. "You like to hear the sound of your own voice, don't you? And you are still slurring because of how drunk you are..." Hopefully he wouldn't be talking like that through the whole thing.

"Don't be so modest, I know my alluring French accent has the same affect on you." He smiled warmly before his eyes shut tight from the feeling. "And I thought I told you I'm not drunk, just a little tipsy. I know I'll remember this for a while, _mon petit chaton_."

"Stop calling me bloody animals!" Arthur yelled, roughly shoving in his third finger. He was much too turned on now to wait much longer. Arthur was slightly disappointed that he didn't have any confiscated condoms in the car, but it would feel better for him anyways. As long as the frog didn't have any diseases.

The third finger was met with a small gasp of pain. "Fine then, but I still think you are quite sexy when you get angry. So, domineering." He purred with a quick wink.

Leaning down, the Brit roughly started biting the skin just bellow Francis' collar bone. Then he took out his fingers, hands going to his own fly. "Don't bother saying you aren't ready, I can't wait any longer."

Watching as Arthur stroked his length once, twice to bring it to full erection, Francis licked his lips as they made eye contact. "I can't wait any longer as well, mon chou."

"So what, now I'm a bloody cabbage? Is that supposed to be a compliment, you wanker?" But it didn't matter anymore as he positioned himself in front of the Parisian's hole, pushing forward. As soon as his head was encased, he gave a low moan.

Even with the preparation the sudden penetration was almost painful to his hazy mind. "Mmmh..." Francis moaned, moving his arms again. The position wasn't the best on his shoulders, but he couldn't complain since he knew the man couldn't feel compelled to put him in jail after this.

Snapping his hips forward so he was all the way in, Arthur smiled at the surprised groan from the handcuffed man under him. He could feel the muscles contracting around his length, making it feel amazing. "Your arse seems to really like my prick."

"Yet you really like my ass. That is worse, non? Especially for an officer of the law. Maybe you would be better suited to work in a dungeon with your own laws." He groaned as he was thrust into swiftly but continued to smile languidly. Yes, this particular man would make an incredible dom.

Grabbing a handful of those wavy locks, Arthur pulled down cruelly. "Don't you dare say I am not fit for my job." He growled, using his other hand to roughly start stroking the weeping cock of his prisoner.

Chuckling nervously, Francis tilted his head back. "I wouldn't dare say that. There is obviously a reason you have the profession you do." If not because he had a very good method at getting crooks to talk. Really, the man was beyond sexy; all sweaty and red from the sex, not to mention the uniform he was still wearing.

"Yes, I do, frog, and you will see just how much when you get to jail and find all the other men I have put away." Ah, he was getting close! But he had to last a few more minutes, at least, so this prick would learn his lesson to never sexually harass an officer. Yes, that is why he was doing this. Not because he hadn't been laid in three months, or anything.

Spreading his legs wider to let Arthur have more room, Francis moaned as their movements became more erratic. "I wouldn't think of anything less, except for going to jail. Will you really let that happen to me?" Well that and he was already becoming completely sober.

The pleasure getting more intense, all the Englishman could do was thrust faster and grunt in the form of a yes. After all, what kind of policeman would he be if he let his prisoners go just because they had a physical interaction?

Arching his back with the help of his bound hands underneath him, Francis moaned unintelligibly as his cock was stroked to orgasm. Streams of white covered Arthur's hand and his own chest as the man above him thrust erratically for a few more seconds. The sexy face he made as he came inside the Frenchman made him moan again with the warm feeling deep inside. "Ah, that was _magnifique_."

"Stop speaking bloody French." Arthur panted, pulling out his now soft cock with a plop. He sat on his legs, catching his breath. It didn't take long, because he had to be in shape for chasing after bad guys.

Catching his breath as well, Francis chuckled. "But I know that you like it so much. After all, you are quite the sex demon when enraged." And Francis thought that he was bad sometimes!

Glaring at him, Arthur tried getting the cum off his uniform, but to no avail. That was going to he hard to explain... "I have no idea what you are talking about. As far as I am concerned, we were simply on our way to the police station and got a flat tire."

"Am I a flat tire now? Have I outlived my purpose to you?" He goaded, shifting around as he felt the cum drip from his hole. "We could do this again perhaps? I wouldn't mind seeing you under me next time."

"I have no idea what you are talking about." Arthur stood up outside the car, so he could do up his fly. His mistake was looking back into the car, and seeing that annoyingly seductive face staring at him. He sighed, going back in. "Sit up." He said, taking out his keys.

Twisting on the seat, Francis sighed. "I would if I could, mon amour, but I'm not as strong without my hands. Plus I would rather not be seen in the back of your cop car looking as I just had marvellous sex. I wouldn't want to ruin your reputation as the fierce policeman you are."

Growling, Arthur grabbed him and brought Francis up, so he could get at his hands. Unlocking the handcuffs, he quickly got out of the car. "There. Now, clean yourself up and get out."

Smiling, Francis quickly put his clothes back on before running a clean hand through his hair. "Why, I knew there was a gracious gentleman under that hard exterior."

"There is not, I just don't want the hassle of filling out the paperwork." Arthur opened the front door, sitting down in the driver's seat. "Now... give me your number and don't let me catch you drunk driving again."

Francis went over to the window, bending over and whispering in Arthur's ear. "Gladly." With that, he said his number before walking away. Well, it was a bit uncomfortable to walk, but he managed it without limping too badly.

Grabbing a piece of paper, Arthur wrote down the number before he forgot it. After all, he might need to call to... tell him that he was darn lucky he didn't arrest him! Yes, that is the only reason he had asked for his number.

Slipping the paper into his pocket, the officer started driving off, in the direction of the station.

* * *

Thank you serene528moon for the cute picture! If anyone wants to see it, here it is! h tt p:/ /i126 .photobu cket. c om/alb ums/p106/ koutw in/aph/ attihay16 .j pg Just take out all the spaces to see it.


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